Now
The mere thought of your GCSEs sends a shiver down your spine. You begin to let pessimistic scenarios cloud your chain of thought. After seemingly minutes of conversing with your inner self you finally snap out of the mental torture a single word has caused you.You cautiously cross the guarded gate hiding your empty top button. Once you pass you are faced with the reality of 6 1/2 hours of boredom and that drains every last bit of optimism about your day. The deafening bell rings and you are ordered to get to your first lesson. The foul smelling, weeks old urine makes your journey the hardest task you have ever been faced with. A gang of psychotic pre teenagers rampage down the corridor attracted to a childish fight, only source of entertainment
Then
The mention of school makes you eagerly anticipated to start a new school day.As you approach the school gate your pace begins to speed up as you look forward to meeting your friends and learning something new. You enthusiastically raise your hand to answer the question asked by your teacher and you get it right, right then at that moment you forget everything else and feel like you’re on top of the world. The heavenly smell of the delicious school meals meets you half way through the corridor. The race has begun. You can hear the dozens of children screaming and running to be first in line for lunch.
September 29, 2016 at 3:02 pm
Have a look at this one: http://george.student.edutronic.net/2015/02/01/school-from-8-30-to-6-30/
Your idea is great – but in execution you’re spending too long trying to tell us what it’s like, and not enough time actually taking us to that place and developing an image of it.
It will work well when you hand more of the job over to the reader. Think of a small detail that tells us a lot more – like a drop of sweat making its way down the temple of a stressed teacher’s face.. know what I mean?
CW